Squirts

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Just Say ‘Yes’

October 24, 2010 | 1 comment

Squirts must think that his mommy’s and daddy’s favorite word is “No.” From his perspective, it has to look like we throw the word around like confetti on New Year’s Eve. To Squirts, it must seem like our tongue is curled and our lips are pursed just waiting to spit the word out every time he asks a question. To him, it must seem like it’s just easier for us to say “No” than to reach into our store of big kids words.

“No, Squirts. You can’t have Skittles for breakfast.”

“No, Squirts. I haven’t called the police because you refused to brush your teeth.”

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Haircuts and X-ray Vision

October 10, 2010 | No comments

Every four weeks, Squirts and I head to Shannon’s place to get our hairs cut. Since Squirts started going to a salon instead of the local SuperCuts, we haven’t had any complaints from him on hair cut days. It may be that as one of the first clients in the shop, Squirts has the undivided attention of Shannon (or as Squirts has named her, “Queen of the Hair Place”) and two or three other ladies who happen to be in that early. I’ve heard that little boys don’t like to have their cheeks pinched and be fussed over—you couldn’t prove it by my kid.

On the other hand, it could be that our monthly ritual also includes a stop at the donut shop after our hair cuts.

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The ‘f’ Word

October 3, 2010 | 1 comment

A couple of weeks ago, Squirts, DeDe and I went to dinner with Jeremy, a new friend of ours. Or as Squirts calls him, “coffee Jeremy,” to distinguish him from “cousin Jeremy” (his cousin), and “mean Jeremy”(a less-than-friendly child in his class).

At some point in the meal, Squirts looked up in horror at his mom and me and said, “Jeremy said the ‘Sh’ word!” After looking only a little flustered at being called out by a four-year-old, Jeremy continued the conversation. A few minute later, Squirts interrupted again with “Mommy, Jeremy said the ‘b’ word!”

We smile awkwardly as we pat Squirts hand and encourage Jeremy to continue. Finally, all conversation comes to a screeching halt when Squirts blurts, “But Daddy, Jeremy just said the ‘f’ word!”

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Weeping and Gnashing

September 19, 2010 | No comments

As I enter the door to pick up Squirts from “school,” I find him playing in the large gathering room with other kids. He looks up, smiles and runs to give me a hug. All smiles and laughs today.

Before we head home, I say we should check his folder in his class for any important notes from his teacher. As sure as we forget to check the all-important folder, we’ll miss the message telling us every child should bring a lunch or our enrollment fee is doubling.

Squirts stops smiling.

“OK,” he says, “but don’t look at the board.”

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