God’s hope

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One night this week, I was in the family room listening to Squirts and his mommy go through the nightly pre-bedtime ritual: brush teeth, use mouth wash, go potty, and head to bed, all narrated with a steady chatter of dialogue between the two. But then, as they moved from bathroom to bedroom, the normalcy of the routine was broken. Squirts punctuates the ongoing conversation with an appropriately confused, “What the hell?!”

Yes, our four-year-old son busted out with “What the hell?!” And, I later learned, he had used the phrase in a correct, though totally inappropriate, context. The outburst was, of course, followed by his mommy’s calm, but insistent explanation about the evils of words like that. Squirts apparently understood the potentially dire consequences of the phrase he’d just used, because the last thing I heard him say before the bedroom door closed was, “Mommy, please don’t tell daddy what I said.”

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“I want” seems to be the evil superpower of the four-year-old set. And Squirts has mastered the ability to wield this ability with uncanny precision and skill. He can throw that phrase like the Green Goblin lobs Pumpkin Bombs.

But have no fear, his mother and I have also mastered the only force that can defeat this wicked superpower—the power of “No!” We play Spiderman to his Green Goblin taking down his bombs with shots from our sticky spider web.

Squirts throws an “I want to stay up later!” We elude the explosion with a “No, you want to be rested for soccer tomorrow.”

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Watching television with Squirts is never boring—not that the programs he chooses aren’t boring or repetitive or mind-numbing. But Squirts has a way of spicing it up by becoming a part of anything he watches on TV. Shortly after the show begins, he picks a character with whom he identifies—and then becomes.

“Mommy,” he says, “I’m Diego. And you’re that girl. Daddy, you’re Baby Jaguar.” Or, “Daddy, I’m The Incredible Hulk. You’re that guy with knives that come out of his hands.”

I’m not always the strange animal character, but it’s not unusual. In fact, lately, he’s been hogging all of the good characters. “Daddy, I’m Shaggy, Freddy and Scooby. Uh, you’re that ghost.”

As he watches the show, he becomes the character he has chosen. He even talks in first-person throughout his ongoing commentary of the program. It was a little startling at first when he said, “Daddy, you look like you want to hit me,” or when he asked, “Why are my feet so big?”

It took a couple of flustered promises that I had no desire to hit him before I realized he was talking about “my” character looking angry. And I’m not sure I was really any help when I assured him that, yes, he does have large feet, but I’m sure other kids wouldn’t notice.

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