Control?

Recently, we celebrated Squirts’ fifth birthday. Could that be right? His fifth birthday? There are many days I don’t feel old enough to have a five-year-old son. Of course, most days I’m reminded (by either my body or my wife) that I’m easily old enough to have a 20-year-old son, to say nothing of a five-year-old. But that’s another story.

We kicked off what has become an annual weeklong celebration by telling Squirts he could choose to eat anywhere he’d like on his actual birthday. The week then followed with cupcakes at school, a bowling party with friends, and a family party with his Aunt K who shares a birthday the same month. By the time it’s all over, it feels like we should start prepping for his sixth!

On his actual birthday, Squirts chose for our dining pleasure a pizza/entertainment extravaganza that features a giant rat as its mascot. I’ve never really understood why any place that serves food would choose a rodent as its symbol. Most restaurants live in fear of the creepy crawly creatures. But not only does this place wear it as a badge of honor, but they have a six foot tall rat wandering the restaurant while moms, dads and children try to choke down the cardboard, tomato paste and cheese that’s supposed to pass for pizza. It’s as if they’re taunting the health department to check them out. “Come on, we dare you! We’ve got vermin entertaining the guests. What secrets could we possibly have to hide?!”

Knowing that Squirts’ true motivation for going to the Pizza Extravaganza had little to do with the food and more to do with the practically unlimited video games he could play, him mom and I suggested we go there to play, but maybe go eat somewhere else. After a moment of thought, he informed us that he really likes the pizza there.

Undeterred, we suggested several other places we thought might be better places to eat. One by one, he shot them down. Finally, tiring from our painfully transparent attempt to avoid the pizza, Squirts brought the conversation to a close.

“Mommy,” he said, “I know how much you like the salad bar there, so that’s why I picked the Pizza Extravaganza for my birthday dinner.”

Parenting is a daily lesson in control—or lack thereof. At some point every day, we realize there are limits to how much we can control the decisions our children make. And day by day, we have come to realize that Squirts is learning more and more the limits of our control as well.

The past year has been one big lesson in control for our family. If you’ve been reading SoulSquirts regularly for a while (or as regularly as I post), then you may know that my mom was diagnosed with a cancer called Multiple Myeloma in the Spring of 2010. If you think parenting is a lesson in control, then try having your family rocked with the news that one of its members has an incurable disease. Any illusion of real control goes out the window.

As I write this, my mom is resting at home following a 16-day stay in the hospital for a stem cell transplant that doctors tell us will put her in a state of remission for some period (we’re praying for many years) to come. For eight months leading up to this miraculous procedure, my mom’s life has not been truly her own. It has been controlled by doctor’s appointments, chemotherapy, blood tests, calcium infusions and more.

Yet, throughout it all, her sense of humor, her sweet disposition and her positive outlook have remained. She has become an inspiration to anyone who reads her Caring Bridge journal. The doctors, nurses, techs, housekeeping, and anyone else she met at the hospital came to know her as person of faith who expected only the best. And for her family, words cannot even begin to describe the pride we have developed in witnessing the graceful strength with which she has endured so much.

For me, my mom’s experience has been a wake up call to how truly little control we really have over much of our lives. At the same time, I have been reminded by her approach, how freeing that knowledge can be.

When we accept a lack of control over our own lives, we recognize the need for God in our lives. When we stop relying on our own feeble abilities to control that which can’t be controlled, we can begin to rely on the only One who can. When we stop trying to wrestle control away from that which will harm us, we also stop trying to wrestle control away from God, the one who truly loves us.

I’m not good at any of those things. I have this bad habit of believing I can control every aspect of my life. I need constant reminders that God loves me and will protect me and wants only the best for me. Last Sunday, I was reminded of this in a song we sang during worship called “Everywhere that I Go*.” We’ve sung it in the past, but this week, it was like God’s giant fist pounding on the door to remind me, “If you will just get out of the way, I am here for you.”

Here are the first verse and chorus that rang through to my heart:

I belong to you, you belong to me Lord
I’m surrounded, everywhere that I go
I will walk with you, you will walk with me Lord
I’m surrounded everywhere that I go

You promised me, you’ll never leave
You promised me, I’m never forsaken and I believe

Goodness and mercy will follow me
Surrounding me, where I go
Everywhere that I go

I thank God for my son who reminds me every day of the boundaries of my control. I thank God for my mom whose willingness to accept her lack of control have been an inspiration to me (and many others). And I thank God for never leaving me, never forsaking me, and surrounding me with goodness and mercy everywhere that I go.

Even when I fight against it.

*Everywhere that I Go
© Houghton, Israel and Ratcliff, Cindy Curse; Integrity’s Praise Music; Sound of the New Breed.

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