Daily Duties

There are very few things about which I can say with absolute certainty, “This is what God intended when…” or “This is what God was thinking when…” In fact, a lot of what I write on SoulSquirts is an exploration of what I think or believe I know about God or we can learn about God through our daily lives—especially through my experience with a certain four year old.

But if there is one thing of which I have always been convinced, it is this: God intended for human beings to conduct certain parts of our daily routine—our daily duties, if you get my drift—in complete and total privacy.

Now, I realize that God didn’t create us with this ability. In the beginning, Adam and Eve walked around the Garden of Eden in a complete state of undress and, as far as I can tell, with no his-and-her facilities in which one could take a personal break. I also understand that there are many places in the world today in which this kind of privacy still doesn’t exist. I have to believe that in the first case, it was simply that they just didn’t know any better—at first any way. And in the second case, it must be because the resources to create this God-intended privacy just aren’t available.

I’ve even heard of couples for whom even this most sacred of boundaries is shattered in holy matrimony. I didn’t get married until I was 37 years old, so I had a strongly developed sense of privacy when my wife took me on. This wall continues to stand solid for me.

After all, if God didn’t intend for us to have private respites like these, why would God have given us the knowledge and ability to construct bathroom walls, build doors with locks and install ceiling vent fans? It seems so obvious to me.

So, what will it take for me to pass this knowledge onto my son?! He’s been able to quickly grasp so many other important life lessons. Always say “Please” and “Thank you.” Look both ways before you cross the street. Don’t wake mommy or daddy until there is a 7 on the clock. But this, this holy moment of solitude, seems to be completely outside his realm of understanding!

Squirts has no concept of privacy. In fact, he seems to be drawn to these specific moments. If you ever had a hard time getting Squirts’ attention, I truly believe you could go to your private place and in moments, he would be at the door saying, “Whatcha doin’?”

Any attempt at explaining why this is a moment you’d like to spend by yourself is met with a blank stare of confusion. After all, he’s certainly never experienced a private moment in his short life. In fact, he invites group participation in his moments of relief. He likes the company! Can you imagine?

I know what you’re thinking: “Why don’t you just lock the door?” There’s nothing that breaks the peaceful calm of a private retreat like the constant tapping on the door followed by the tag-team “Are you done yet?” and “How much longer?” Sometimes, it’s easier just to invite the nosy neighbor in.

It’s all almost enough to make me doubt my absolute certainty about this topic!

Could it be that the way Adam and Eve had it before they “knew better” was actually the way God intended for it to be? Could it be that God didn’t intend for us to build walls that separate us from one another? Could it be that building walls between ourselves only help separate us from God?

No one’s developed more expertise at building proverbial walls or creating a false sense of privacy than me. Did I mention that I didn’t get married – for the first and only time – until I was 37? That’s a lot of time to be alone and to figure out how to be good at it.

But once those walls start to crumble—the walls we build to keep God and other people at bay—we begin to see what God really has in mind for us.

For me, it was an acceptance of God’s purpose for my life. For years, I’d pushed to the side any notion that God might want me to serve in full-time ministry. I didn’t just push it to the side; I got really good at building walls that prevented even the slightest ray of God’s light from shining into my life. I filled my life with work and distractions that would keep me from realizing God’s true potential for me. As a result, I believe it led to me building shallow and meaningless relationships with the people who came into my life.

But slowly, through my restored involvement with a great church and the love of good friends, those walls began to crumble. Through the fissures of those barriers, God’s light began to shine on my life again. And finally, I opened myself to God’s call on my life and the walls came tumbling down.

I entered full-time ministry. I went to seminary to strengthen the foundation of my faith. I met my wife working at the same church. And together, we brought the most amazing little boy into the world.

The lesson for me has been that privacy is overrated. The more we open ourselves up to our fellow human beings, the more we learn about ourselves. And the more we learn about ourselves, the more we know we need God in our lives.

I still struggle with the need for privacy. Clearly, I still have boundary issues to work through. Luckily, I have a constant reminder every time Squirts bust through the door and exclaims with complete and innocent sincerity, “Whoa, Daddy! You stink!”

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