March 2010

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Who Do You Think You Are?

March 28, 2010 | 1 comment

Squirts has so many memories of his Papa (my wife’s dad) that the most random things will stir some recollection he is compelled to share with us. If we pass a certain restaurant, Squirts will point it out and say, “Oh, my Papa loves Chuck E. Cheese!”

Sometimes when we are eating a meal, Squirts will remember some of his Papa’s favorite foods. “Oh, my Papa loves mint chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce just like me.” Of course, he remembers some of his least favorite too. “Oh no, Papa doesn’t like peas either.”

Apparently Papa had some interesting careers as well. At different times, Squirts has told us that his Papa drove an eighteen-wheeler and that he was a pool lifeguard.

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Aarghs, Ughs and Oofs of Disappointment

March 21, 2010 | 2 comments

“I want” seems to be the evil superpower of the four-year-old set. And Squirts has mastered the ability to wield this ability with uncanny precision and skill. He can throw that phrase like the Green Goblin lobs Pumpkin Bombs.

But have no fear, his mother and I have also mastered the only force that can defeat this wicked superpower—the power of “No!” We play Spiderman to his Green Goblin taking down his bombs with shots from our sticky spider web.

Squirts throws an “I want to stay up later!” We elude the explosion with a “No, you want to be rested for soccer tomorrow.”

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Smooth.

March 14, 2010 | 5 comments

Squirts tends to the nosy side, which I freely admit he inherited from my side of the family. What he hasn’t inherited is the subtlety to be nosy on the down low. His nosiness consists of full-on staring. You know, the turn-in-your-seat-and-ogle-at-the-lady-with-“funny eyes” kind of stare.

So, it’s boys night out while mommy is at choir practice and we’re waiting to order at our favorite taco place. After busting him several times for openly gawking at other people, I launch into a fatherly lecture about the dangers of staring.

At four years old, Squirts may be a little young to teach stealth techniques for eavesdropping and people watching. So, a few scare tactics seems more appropriate:

  • If you stare too hard, you could actually burn a hole in their skin.
  • Your eyes could stick like that.
  • If they catch you staring, they have the right to take you home with them. Forever.

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Flying Free

March 7, 2010 | 6 comments

My son’s bowels have an amazing ability to know when we’ve left the house. It’s as if they have some sort of GPS system that lights up as Squirts moves away from our home. It’s seems like the further we are from our house, the more likely they will need to, uh, move. In the year and a few months Squirts has been completely out of diapers, we’ve seen the inside of more department store, grocery store, coffee shop, ice cream shop and mall restrooms than I’ve probably seen my whole adult life.

A few months ago, Squirts and I were on our way to church. Squirts’ mom had already been there for several hours because she leads the worship arts there. On this fine Sunday morning, about halfway through our 30 minute drive to church, Squirts announces his need to go poo-poo.

After a quick glance to the back seat, I recognize the wide-eyed look that says without words “ AND NOW!” (Squirts bowels also have a certain sense of immediacy when they make their presence known.)

Visualizing the path to church, I remember a gas station and a Starbucks at the next exit.  Form past experience, I know that Squirts is very comfortable with the ambience of the Starbucks’ facilities, so that’s the direction we head.

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